Hey, at least I have this smile.

Today was great. My mother was working late and, although coming home to an empty house is not an unfamiliar experience for me, today I realized that I actually could do whatever I wanted. Instead of working on homework, I spent two hours playing piano. I spent one more playing guitar with three hilarious and talented girls. The next two and a half consisted of one of my favorite people and I getting ice cream and stargazing at Prospect Park. And it was great and I am so happy. Sure, I have mountains of work to do, but instead, I am going to eat some Twizlers, play some more piano, and go to bed early. Today will not be controlled by work.

But, that does not mean that today was not productive. In fact, the progress I made today is much more measurable than in work-heavy evenings because I am actually SMILING. If I fail my math test or have to play catchup tomorrow, that will suck, but at least I will have this night to remind me that school is such a small portion of who I am.

And so, I wonder, is it the things that I do or the things that I do not do that make me most happy? Was today great because it lacked stress and rules, or was it because it was filled with music and ice cream and stars and friends?

And here I am, again, segmenting the great from the terrible instead of integrating them. If I could be half as blissful as I am right now, if I could be half as unhappy as I have seen myself be, I couldn't complain.