Easy street

I'm a senior in high school so slacking off is something very relevant in my life. For the past couple of months I have left essays unwritten, math problems unsolved, meetings unattended. One by one, I have replaced each should-be- priority with ice cream and naps and phone calls with friends. Despite my plummeting grades and lecturing parents, I didn't really think my "senioritis" a problem until today. It was a right of passage, something I had earned after seven semesters of stress and regulation.

But today I went on a bike ride. It's very nice out and I didn't want to revise my paper for Honors Sem and with prom in two weeks, this sounded like a better use of my time than making a chipotle run. A bike ride, now that I think of it, is a pretty productive way to slack off.

When I wheeled out of my driveway, I thought about all the places I wanted to see before returning home, most of them places I had spent with the friends I am so scared to say goodbye to in a few months. (I crave nostalgia). One such place is a few blocks west of my house but, because the rest of my destinations were east, I decided to skip it. So I turned east and peddled into Hinsdale, crossing the tracks at Stough. It is hilly on that side of the tracks and my legs felt weak trying to find a park my friend and I once snuck out to. Soon, it became obvious that I had no idea which way Adams was or weather Sixth went through to Bodin. Not wanting to look as lost or as tired as I was, I kept going east.

Eventually, the hills leveled out and I was biking on much smoother streets. I regained my breath and my sense of direction, recognizing I was very close to an old friends house. I effortlessly glided past his house, thinking about an inside joke we once shared, and felt proud of myself for knowing exactly where I was. For another half hour, I past a plethora of old memories near by my friend's house, barely having to peddle on the smooth surface I had found. It was a very easy thirty minutes that eventually landed me in the parking lot of a playground my brothers and I used to love. That's where I still am right now.

Laying in this parking lot, I am forced to think about the bike ride that got me here. It started off so hard and so disappointing. But, as soon as I found an easy rode, I stuck to it. I never got to find that first park or anything west of my house because it just seemed like too much work.

The more I think about my bike ride, the more I am realizing I have turned into this person who has learned to settle for the easy option. Maybe it started when I traded in a leather prom dress for a more normal one. Maybe it was when I passively let others decide my college choice for me. Maybe it's a product of every weekend I have spent with whoever texted me first instead of working to do what I really wanted. Maybe it's just a product of senioritis and I will graduate out of it this May. But, most realistically, it is a flaw in character. I settle for things. I tell myself that doing what's easier is okay because nothing matters that much to work for it or to stress over it. I chose the flatter sidewalks over the hilly streets because I didn't want to peddle that much. But who knows what I missed on the other side of those hills. It's probably worth it to find out. But I won't.

The worst part is that I know if I worked to get over this, I could start picking the harder, more beneficial option. But, I am justifying my laziness by saying this is who I am and I shouldn't try to be better than I am. Really, it just seems too hard.