Pack rat

As a huge fan of TLC, I often find myself oozing over hoarders as I watch their sloppy homes undergo the infamous 'clean sweep'. I used to think about how gross of an existence those people lived in both physically and mentally. Although my mother was always on my case for having a messy room, I had little problem throwing away old things and was certainty not a hoarder.

At least not of anything tangible.

But, I think, we all hoard our emotions, habits, and memories - keep them around, just incase. Regardless of how terrible something makes us feel, how many friends we have lost over it, how deleterious and counterproductive it may be, it is so hard to discard something which was once a part of who we were. I know a boy who is completely aware of something he does that hurts him and the people around him. He wants to move past this thing, to forget how to do it and forget that he ever did it. But he can't. Instead, he is trying to dilute his bad habit, enough so that it will not bother others but will likely still swallow him alive. Because, like me and you and everyone else on this planet, he is a pack rat. He will keep this part of him around, just incase it proves necessary sometime up ahead. But, like the hoarders on TLC, keeping all of these unneeded and self-harming things around makes them readily available. If a past alcoholic smells wine, he will relapse. The only way to ensure sobriety is cut off contact with the source. But instead, we keep a bottle in the basement, incase we are not strong enough to move on from who we once were. Honestly, are we ever?