The chirps in sunny solitude

It is this I always wish to see:
The grass and the blooms of the Evergreen

It is this I always wish to hear:
The chirps in sunny solitude,
The absence of an interlude
The volumes that differ from far to near.

It is this I hope I always smell:
Nothing, nothing, void absences
To negate
All senses
And live comfortably without perception
To feel summer turn into fall
And yet not know it
Such, at all.

Sidekick

You make a very good you
And I have patched a me together
hodge-podged with duck tape and glue

You do better without me
And I will claw away your -ness
Until we both suck equally

I swear I still think you have wings
And I should keep the monster of me
From all your very good things

So I have ruined this all
And I deserve this loneliness,
This cold hear that never will thaw.

Nothing inside

My body, they say, is mostly space

Emptiness gapping between the tiny bits,

The illusions of my solidity

Why, then, can I not flee

Through those spaces that make me?

Why are those gaps not door-

Or windows at least?

What traps me into this empty body-

What plugs the holes that make me-

Oh! How I long to sneak through

To climb out of myself, stand without the skin that blocks me from the else.

To feel without fingers 

the texture of grass, to know it 

unpercieved 

By the taints if my foggy mind.

Oh, I would climb a tree and, 

Not needing a place to rest my foot,

keep going 

Up, up into the air, the sky.

I would fill there the emptiness, and

At once make dense.

The combination of me and it.

I would spread myself 

everywhere and see without eyes appreciate

things a shape cannot

I would leave no footsteps

No trace of my emptiness

But, instead, oh, I would be.

I would be outside.

This is very old

I want to write the "who's" again

The "how's" and "why's" and "do's" again

I'm sick of writing "what's" and "where's"

Of "this" and "that's," of "here" and "there's"

I long to write of people who

Inspire, challenge, and improve.

Who spend time living casually 

In love, and not settling for me

 

I've found them where they've always been 

Convenient, nearly in my skin 

And I am thankful beyond measure 

For the people who make me better

For the hugs that teach me

How to best be,

How to best find 

A we-

A place to be defined-

And not to compromise 

Friends  

 

Bare

Finally, I can see your toes 

Where I always assumed they'd be.

Above the ground, resting there

Two feet below your knee

Finally, I can see your toes

For socks don't lock them in.

They're free to dance, free to tap-

One foot below your shin.

Finally, I can see your toes

And how they make me laugh.

Little, faceless, and exposed

Barely below your calf.

Finally, your toes are loose!

I hope to you it's sweet 

To feel the breeze, to know a life

Lived newly in barefeet. 

To forget what never was

I forgot how well you know me

(Better than I know me.)

Every thought and act and song,

Everything move that I've made wrong,

You have studied through and througher-

Know them better than I do

I forgot that you reside

Within my incapable mind.

How both sides of conversation

Are under your dictation

So you've known my motivation

Even when I didn't have one at all.

I forgot you're in old photographs

On railroad tracks

The ones of me and my father

Six years before I met you

In June. 

You were there, after all: 

My first steps and my first fall,

The days I grew from small to tall,

When I cut my hair too short,

When my time was split by court;

The first time I ate fish,

Every stupid birthday wish,

The summer I washed dish after dish after dish after meals.

Were you there when I formed my own ideals?

Or were you only there to judge them the summer I fell head over heels-

For someone else

From shaded spots of Magnolia branches

Perhaps it should concern me, a worry 'haps of mine
That when given the choice between one and two
I'd rather have a blanket to myself, and would decline
To share it closely with you

So two blankets I will choose then, but darling, I know not why
I feel unsafe unless unloved; alone I'm fair to be.
It is not your company from which, ashamed, I shy-
But any. Be I or you or him or her but never we.

Perhaps it should concern me, for loneliness I'm bound
But happily I will neglect the offer to sit on blankets shared
I am comforted by space not stuff, silence not sound
It is me. not you, who shall be scared.